Faith & Fellas

We’ve all heard a version of the phrase “take it like a man.” Used as a command, it’s likely not flattering, because the recipient apparently does not meet the standard. Used as a description of what has already occurred – “He took it like a man” – it’s probably a compliment.

But what does it mean, to take it like a man? Too often, it likely refers to a stoic or emotionless manner. More constructively, I like to think it refers to straight-forward, no-excuses conduct, like David fessing up to his guilt in the Bathsheba affair (Psalm 51) and the sinner crying out, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” (Luke 18:13).

In his essay “On Forgiveness,” C.S. Lewis talks more about the dangerous temptation to present excuses rather than seek forgiveness. Reading his words, I am curious what our church would look like if more of us men were marked by this repentant spirit – if each of us were to face his own sin “like a man.”

The trouble is that what we call ‘asking God’s forgiveness’ very often really consists in asking God to accept our excuses. What leads us into this mistake is the fact that there usually is some amount of excuse, some ‘extenuating circumstances.’ We are so very anxious to point these out to God (and to ourselves) that we are apt to forget the really important thing; that is, the bit left over, the bit which the excuse don’t cover, the bit which is inexcusable but not, thank God, unforgivable.

And if we forget this, we shall go away imagining that we have repented and been forgiven when all that has really happened is that we have satisfied ourselves with our own excuse. They may be very bad excuses; we are all too easily satisfied about ourselves.

from C.S. Lewis’s “On Forgiveness” in The Weight of Glory

Forgiving vs. Excusing:

“Forgiveness says ‘Yes, you have done this thing, but I accept your apology I will never hold it against you and everything between us will be exactly as it was before.’”

“Excusing says ‘I see that you couldn’t help it or didn’t mean it; you weren’t really to blame.’”

- C.S. Lewis

In his parenting series Growing Kids God’s Way Gary Ezzo observes that children are not ready to make choices until they are willing not to have a choice. That’s an astute observationof a child’s moral development, but it should leave the 21 ^st Century American adult wondering, “Am I willing not to have a choice?” In a country sown on the demand for liberty or death and fertilized by the customer always being right, don’t I now assume choice and control? Whether it be in public or private, at home, work, or church, have I become the unsubmissive child, demanding power when refused it? How I need the discipline of submission, which Richard Foster defines in part as our being “set free from the need to have things our own way.” Foster explains submission’s importance in his book Celebration of Discipline:

Submission is an ethical theme that runs the gamut of the New Testament. It is a posture obligatory upon all Christians: men as well as women, fathers as well as children, masters as well as slaves. We are commanded to live a life of submission because Jesus lived a life of submission, not because we are in a particular place or station in life. Self-denial is a posture fitting for all those who follow the crucified Lord. . . .

It is impossible to overstate the revolutionary character of Jesus’ life and teaching at this point. It did away with all the claims to privileged position and status. It called into being a whole new order of leadership. The cross-life of Jesus undermined all social orders based on power and self-interest. . . . The cross-life is the life of voluntary submission. The cross-life is the life of freely accepted servanthood.

from Richard J. Foster’s Celebration of Discipline.

Expressions of submission:

“As thou wilt; what thou wilt; when thou wilt.”

- Thomas a Kempis

“Seek not to count the future waves of Time;
But be ye satisfied that you have light
Enough to take your step and find your foothold.”

- T.S. Eliot

Scripture on the theme:

Mark 8:34; Eph. 5:21; Mark 9:35; 1Peter 2:21-23 ; John 13:15 ; Phil. 2:4-7

Listening to an ad on Christian radio the other day, I heard a woman appeal to parents’ desire to protect their children from the media – Internet, music, television, and more. For some reason it occurred to me: how can we prevent our kids from being exposed to something if we continually subject ourselves to it?

Then with some thinking, I could not recall reading a single moral imperative in scripture that expires with age – God commands children and adults alike to be pure, holy, and righteous.

Men are the heads of their families whether they want the job or not. How we act will bear fruit – most obviously in the lives of our children. For proof, I turn to this month’s excerpt, which comes from a thorough and frightening study of the religious lives of American youth. As we consider these words carefully, we should ask ourselves this question: are our standards for ourselves the ones we would like for our children?

Few teen problems in fact are invented or promoted by teenagers. Most are prevalent in and developed, modeled, and handed down to teens by the adult world . . . In the end, teens are simply learning through socialization how to live in the problematic world they are inheriting from adults. . . .

Adults often complain about how stupid television is and how much of it teenagers watch, but American adults actually watch just as much (stupid) television as teenagers do. Adults constantly preach to adolescents about sexual responsibility, yet . . . the world portrayed by adult-produced media is one of relatively free sex without negative consequences; and all manner of pornographic sex (much of which can hardly be called “responsible”) our society labels “adult,” implying that, though kids should not view pornography, it is a perfectly appropriate pastime for grown-ups to enjoy. Should we be surprised that teens, who are itching to enjoy the freedoms of grown-up life, act out their sexuality in ways not always responsible?

from Christian Smith’s Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers